Diving off the high dive...

I always wanted to do a swan dive off the high dive.

My brother and I both have been strong swimmers since birth, we both swam on the swim team and ... Oh yes... HE would dive off of anything.  Every summer I would vow to myself that this would be the one I would do it- dive from the high dive. I would stand in the hot summer sun with copper tone surrounding me in the long line of kids waiting my turn. Each year I got a little less apprehensive about the height but still struggled when I was at the top with the idea of going head first. The pressure of the line of kids below, the knowledge of the pain of the water on my body every time I chickened out and jumped instead, unprepared I slammed my skinny tan body.

I could envision what I wanted my body to do but I never had the really believed enough to just dive head first arms outstretched into the coolness of the pool water.

Until today.... Kind of.

Today I walked into the infusion room at the cancer institute that is treating me and I took
that swan dive. I walked up each one of those wet concrete steps from my faded memory and
marked the last the of the first half of my chemo and from what I understand most toxic half.
It was a huge milestone! Unfortunately I won't feel the warmth of the edge of that pool for 6
or 7 days as even now I'm struggling to write because the headache and nausea. But I will make
it without a doubt.

Celebrate with me and do something you've always wanted but were afraid to. I may not have
been as graceful as in my minds eye but I went head first off a scary precipice and lived to
tell about it.

We all can do so much that seems impossible if we just believe in ourselves... I'm off to taxol for 12 weeks- I can do that too- bring it on!