Water

This was the toughest week so far. I can't say it will be the hardest, there are way too many treatments left.



It's Friday afternoon, I essentially lost 4 days fully conscience watching the clock waiting for the hell to pass. I can't even begin to explain it, somewhere between being poisoned and starved to death, writhing in pain in my spine, femurs, sternum and scull. Nausea nausea nausea. I could taste metal and chemicals on my tongue.



My family rotated in and out of the room some sitting with me trying to distract me with stories others sharing you tube videos... My little one watching cartoons with me. I felt like a corpse at times my eyes half open.



Dr B is on top of making me comfortable through this process but you can only do so much of that before there is not much you can do but wait it out in your bunker. Stronger meds means more side effects more side effects is what we are trying to combat...you get the picture.



By last nite I was weak from not eating, but understanding that this is my fight, this is my war and even on the longest darkest nite I can muster up more strength because I know I am still winning.



I am well enough today to get up and around the first floor, write a little bit and look back at the past few days with a strange fascination that "I did it"....



One more round of this brutal  Adriamycin/Cytoxan



I've got to restock my mental and spiritual supplies this week nearly wiped them out and due to the nature of this regimen the next one is expected to be the hardest.



Am I afraid? Hell yes! This is no picnic, it worries me when drinking water becomes a challenge. But I have my eye on the prize, more time on this beautiful earth with my kids, friends and furries. What better motivation could I have.



Tonight I will enjoy a simple thing that I had taken for granted before... a drink of water. Maybe we have to be dismantled to our most basic before we can truly feel blessed from the smallest gift life has to give us?