Red Crayon

Today is your birthday

In your honor as I do every year, I wore your paisley tie

When I woke up this morning my first thought was that I wish I could run out to the kitchen and give you a card, a home made card the kind I made when I was 7 years old

With a red crayon

That year I also wrapped up your favorite tie, a paisley one you’d had for years

I loved the surprised look and the big bear hug I got in return

My world was so simple then

Damn, I miss you

Enjoy the vodka I poured for you today when I was there. I sat on the wet ground for a long time and cried for all of the red crayons that have been lost along the way

One thing that hasn’t been misplaced

Is my unending love for the man who I called

Dad 

Pain and Soft Sheets

once again- the pain has saturated my body

I writhe in my bed day and night and cry out for mercy!

I’m left to pull at my flesh in desperation

from afar all you see is my saddened face

and a body wrapped up in blanket

whose secrets of an agonizing life

are kept by threats of more torment by its keeper. 

someday I will be free

and when I am 

I will not waste that freedom on 

vengeance

I will run

without pain

and I will roll around on this bed in ecstasy not agony 

my memory will only hold the thought of that moment when my soft sheets are what I feel the most on naked flesh.