My mothers daughter

This morning I had my final appointment with my Plastic Surgeon before my surgery next Tuesday. His office is a bright place and I wish that my spirits were higher and i could enjoy the perkiness a bit more.

It was a pre-op meeting- the nurse gave me a handful of prescriptions for after i get home ( antibiotics, anti-nausea, pain, muscle relaxers), and went over wound care. I was trying to stay focused even though both my aunt and Kirk were there and I was sure that between my half mind their full attention and the oodles of handouts we could probably suture someone ourselves after that meeting.

But my mind kept wandering back to the year my mom was first diagnosed in the mid 70's. They didn't do the beautiful reconstruction surgeries directly after mastectomies that they do now. They surely didn't offer such surgeries let alone require by law that insurance cover them. Her mastectomy scars were diagonal and around 10 inches, one for each side. Back then they took everything, I mean e v e r y thing, down to  the ribs. Very barbaric and while I don't recall the series of tests leading to her surgery I do know the times where sorely lacking in diagnostic tools. With the first breast she was told that they would biopsy the tumor while
she was under and if it was benign she would have a handful of stitches if not radical
mastectomy. It would be the first of 10 long hard fought years against a recurring beast in
her body that finally took her my 17th year...

My wandering mind was well concealed I think no one noticed.  Soon it was time to leave and it was only until I was trying to buy supplies at Walgreens and couldn't remember anything that
it became apparent to me how long  I had checked out to relive the beginning of what is now my own nightmare.

I am the daughter and also the grand daughter of breast cancer victims. My grandmother died a
painful death without hope, my mother a long marathon fight and tried everything. I
will not let their valiant efforts be in vain or the many, many others who have suffered from
this horrible disease since then.

These are my thoughts today on the women that had the early surgergies and experienced chemo in its infancy and they will continue to be what moves my arms and legs to do what needs to be done each and every scary step though this...