In 2008 I was living in Denver with my beautiful kids and husband Alan. we were both doing well in our careers and our kids were busy in many activities. We were - well.. like many of you. We were going non-stop and barely enjoying our blessed life.
One day Alan was at the park with our youngest child when he had a sudden cardiac arrest. He was resuscitated by a good samaritan but not in time to prevent brain death. We held vigil at his bedside for 6 excruciating days before he left his earthly body. It was on that 5th day that I saw my chiropractor and had a neck adjustment. I remember thinking I need to take care of myself so I can be strong through this for the kids. Unbeknownst to me my caroited artery had been disected in that adjustment.
When he passed away I drove the kids and I across Kansas back to Missouri where he would be laid to rest next to his dad. When I arrived I had the first stroke- a minor one at the visitation. We all thought I had been overcome by grief and exhaustion. I pulled it together through the funeral and the drive back to Denver where upon arriving I took myself to the hospital and had a major stroke there. I lost my right side and my speech, those first few days in the ICU I was trapped in my own head. I could only pray silently for my children who were at home grieving the dad they had just lost and now would have to contend with this scary experience.
Twice I've nearly died in unfortunate moments of my life. Once after this massive stroke the other after my first cancer surgery. During these experiences I lost my fear of death and felt a profound peace as if a benevolent hand were covering me. I felt a warmth over my face- like the sun shining. When I recovered physically from the crisis I had changed- my perspective had changed
Yes, I reclaimed my life, but only the parts worth saving.
Before two years had gone by since Alans passing and my stroke when I was diagnosed with a complex aggressive breast cancer. I had made peace with death should it come.
How is it to have made peace with death?!
I explain it like this. I flash back to every amazing moment I can think of I run them through my mind as quickly as I can....My parents when they were young, my brother and I playing marbles, the smell of my favorite foods, friends from childhood, my vw golf, my fathers hands at work, the boy with the brown and blue eyes, my dogs, my cats, 24's smile, 22's hugs, 26's eyes, the sound of their laughter and the images keep coming so fast once I ask them to - positive beautiful images are limitless within me..
And on this Mothers Day I have nothing but joy and thanks for a life already filled with everything I that have ever wanted!
What I wish for all of you is, Hope through your adversity - calm in your chaos - that you find love in unexpected places- its all a matter of perspective! If you can't change your circumstance than change your vantage point.
If you're having troubles, come stand next to me- my view is amazing!What I wish for all of you is, Hope through your adversity - calm in your chaos - that you find love in unexpected places- its all a matter of perspective! If you can't change your circumstance than change your vantage point.
