Sounds of the past... can we go back? should we?

For well over 25 years my touchstone has been Kansas City, its where all the best and worst choices of my life have been made, its where my children where brought into this world and where my father left it.

My favorite house I owned is here in this city, a cape cod built in the 1940’s.  It was a few blocks from my dads house in an old neighborhood with 60 ft oak trees towering over all of the little houses in Waldo (South KC).  

I remember the feel of those smooth old wood floors under my feet, even now, oak floors still make me feel at home and the view from the window over the kitchen sink- looked over the big back yard and the white porch swing that my dad hung from the giant tree next to the flagstone patio that we laid. 

He and I would take drinks and sit and swing while the kids ran around catching fireflies in the summer.  It was a beautiful time for me regardless of all the other junk that went on during that time period. I will always cherish those days as some of the best in my life. Grateful that some of these memories were spared after the stroke.

It took three years of hard work to get that house to the condition it was in by the time we could finally sit and just enjoy it.  Stripping the wallpaper, endless layers over the plaster walls had to be removed painstakingly room by room after work every night, after toddlers had gone to bed listening to zydeco music...   It was a busy time with a demanding job but worth the many sleepness nights.  

I was thinking about this house because I heard it might be for sale again.

Can we really go back and reclaim our past? Will it reject us? My neighbors have all gone, so there wont be the shared margaritas on the front stoop or fireworks out front with our families... and no dad to walk over from his yellow house down the street. would it really be the same?

I can close my eyes and hear the laughter of my kids and cicadas chirping like it was yesterday... Yet I can close my eyes and feel my long dark hair cascading down my back too which is also gone. 

I guess somethings are meant to be part of our foundation, some memories are strong enough to be those blocks.  For now I'll leave them right there... I've got a lot to do in my life right in the present-2 seniors to get graduated and off to their next step, a 2nd grader to keep on track to be a linebacker for the San Diego Chargers and 5 more Taxol treatments, radiation and Plastic Surgery. Plus Alice reminded me that she has not had a proper coronation.

Glad I am grounded in reality. ;) Cancer hasn't taken my sense of humor away...