Plan a-z...

Plan A-Z came unexpectedly, improvised when I needed something to help the kids make sense of things beyond their control.
 
When Joe and Sophie were very little and I was going through divorce my kids had a tough time with my ex's inability to follow through or keep promises. There were missed visitations and missed calls and the kids needed help coping.  On their fathers birthday they dressed up and had cards for him.  He never showed up. He flew to Las Vegas with his new girlfriend.  I was heartbroken for my 6 and 7 year old children who could not wrap their minds or hearts around such a thing.  I found myself scrambling to ease this for them….that is the day Plan A through Z was born.

 I explained Plan A-Z like this:

The best thing to do in life is to have several plans made, in the order you will try them but to avoid disappointment….remember one is not better than the other they are just different from each other.

 The kids adapted to this way of thinking and it eased them right away…my children saw the whole world and every activity as a plan a-z opportunity.

I needed that more than they did but didn't know it at that moment. I grew up thinking there was a right way and a wrong way.  Every time I fell short of the plan I made for myself I knew that I'd missed the mark and therefore I had failed.

Most of us live that way, and when we do make contingent plans we view them as sublevel to the original so failure is what we feel. We live with a lot of disappointment this way.


A couple of years ago I was struggling with an aspect of my life that caused me great frustration.  I remember crying  in my room when my oldest son came in and found me upset and sitting alone.  I always tried not to let them see me meltdown because it might frighten them.  But it was too late he came in and sat next to me and said "mom, I think you have to let go of plan A and go on to Plan B.

It was so clear. I had been teaching my kids about that for years but had never really lived it myself. But soon I realized that it was a way of life, a way to teach stress management to them, a way to keep their mind open.


We spend too much time entrenched in our original vision of what life should be.  What we will be, who we will marry, if we will have kids, and what age all of those things will happen….we're programmed to think in that scarcity mentality. Have you ever noticed how 'disappointed' someone gets if a movie is sold out?

Who knew that as my life went on I would come to need this theory of Plan A through Z to survive!  A few short years later I was widowed as well as had a subsequent stroke that left me unable to work.  I had been so blessed with success in my career and found true peace in moving on to plan B.  I don't look back and mourn  I look forward and rally for the next opportunity in line.  I'll tell you a secret, I may omit plan A from now on it just doesn't have much staying power. How would you ever know the beauty of Plan D or G or I if you got stuck on A?


Yesterday I woke up to a severe migraine- the kind that makes you unable to sit upright and causes you to puke  unceremoniously every time you even smell coffee.  Yes it was my birthday and although it was pretty crummy to feel so ill I was not going to die - it would pass in a few hours and I wasn't saddened by it 'ruining my day'

I received many well wishes from my friends and a family that I have been so fortunate in finding once again! I'm pretty damn lucky with living in such a spectacular house with kids who are clean and sober and doing well in school.   Life is so good, why would I be bummed about a migraine on my birthday? Plan A didn't work out will move on to B. I am pleased with the clarity in my life, the people here to share it with and the chance to enjoy the time with them.

 I am older yes but newly born into a better life. Today I am 1 and I have the whole rest of my life to look forward to... and although my birthday was yesterday - its just as special today to read your kind words and not to have my headache.